Through everyday with a broken tire

Tired. Lazy. Bored. Depressed. Frustrated. Moody.

These were the emotions I have felt for the past week; even my colleague made a remark on it. I do not know what was wrong with me nor do I understand what was causing all these emotions to get mixed into something I would call confusion. I wish I would know the reason behind it so I could fix it and set my mood right. Unfortunately, I don’t, and it was getting tiresome.

Being moody is a norm for me. I do and decide things depending on my mood. I know it’s not the best way to go about things, but that’s how I am, and I have lived over twenty years that way. I try to moderate it IF I am aware how another person is going to be affected by my actions. If not however, I entirely rely on my mood and gut feeling. And my mixed up negative and confused emotions is not helping me in the least. Intend not to anything at all.

It has a bad effect on my everyday. It’s affecting my interpersonal character which is the foundation of my work. Even a colleague of mine made a remark and told me how different of a person I seemed recently. I simply said that it’s because I’m tired and not getting enough sleep as of late, which is not entirely false but not exactly the truth either. Since then, I knew that I need to fix my mood swings.

Problem? I do not know how.

Basically, I have a sleeping problem. It got worse when I was put back on having night shifts at work after over two months of not doing so, and for nine straight nights nonetheless. I love night shifts, and I am probably the freshest-looking person in the morning right after a night shift duty you’ll ever meet. Due to the sudden change in my sleep pattern, my body took a while to recuperate. I was either oversleeping, or lacking of sleep. I’m also back to my sleepless nights, or waking up after a few hours of sleep. It has become completely erratic that even I don’t know what will happen next.

I could also put the blame on my habitual over thinking. It’s another norm, something that will make me not me anymore if it stopped. The only bad thing about it is that I always stimulate my brain while I was on bed waiting to fall asleep. Why do I even do that right? As I mentioned, it’s a habit.

Well, I am not too sure how to get to the cause of it. But I mostly blame my terrible mood swings on my night shifts. I’m sorry to everyone affected.

Life in the perspective of a young adult.

Twelfth November Twenty-Thirteen.

I feel like the title was very serious. I like it though.

I’ve been only alive for twenty-two years. But I already felt the burden that comes together with growing up and entering adulthood at twenty-one. It was weird but it just felt like that. And odd enough, I had a few friends that had the same thoughts as mine.

I had this kind of mentality that I need to live my life to the fullest no matter the circumstances and consequences at the age of twenty-one. Like I am about to end a phase of my life and enter a new chapter in my story. It just felt like my teenage years will completely end at that age. There was no going back after that. My only option was to look forward and live on with whatever was awaiting me – adulthood.

Honestly, I still don’t understand what being an adult really meant. I was still in the early stages of this so-called adulthood. It sounds like a serious topic when talked about eh? What usually comes to mind when this term was heard were work, settling down, family, responsibilities, social life, and  money. We could think that not everything was significant, but they are.

When I was a student I used to think that adults have it easy with no homeworks, projects, exams, and waking up early in the morning. What’s more? They get to order kids around. At nineteen, I proved it all wrong.

I have always wanted to try working while studying which I have never really done with my lack of connections and resources. So when I went abroad for my on-the-job training, it became my first real time work experience. I actually considered it as working full time rather than training. It was my first work experience but I understood then that living the life of an adult was not exactly an easy thing like I thought it was. Hence the saying, “You still have a long way to go.”

Right now, I am an independent young adult. Living away from my family and working to earn money. Living alone was fine, but it gets a little tiring since I have to manage everything by myself. But I think that having a family is a lot more difficult because you will have to think about the welfare of everyone. For the time being, I will enjoy my time being a single adult. I know, however, that the time will come when I have to settle down and think not only of myself. But that will be in a future still unknown to me.

 

 

I was going through the drafts I have in this blog, I have more than fifty by the way, and I saw this. I think this is kind of nice so I wanted to publish it. It was dated twelfth November twenty-thirteen, and I am turning twenty four soon. Adulthood, though I could not say much about it actually, is difficult in a sense that you have a lot of legal and social responsibilities. On a brighter note, you have the freedom that you want, given that you are not married and without a family. Parents-free, making decisions for yourself, and doing the things that you want without anyone telling you to stop. I think it’s just the right balance of obligation and leisure.