It’s up to me.

11/03/2018 § Leave a comment

I have been stubborn for as long as I can remember. I always think ahead, and plan ahead, even if sometimes things borderline the impossible. It’s just that I happen to like overthinking, and having a rough idea of where I’m heading. It’s not for every single thing, nor for everyday life. But if I am going overseas on a holiday, I like to do my research, and plan a rough itinerary. It’s what you do when traveling so you don’t waste a day scrambling to piece together a plan on the spot. Unfortunately, my new travel buddy does not always agree with my plans, even if I’m told that it’s up to me.

I have mentioned in my previous post about having a new boyfriend after so long. We happen to both like travelling. He’s the type who likes to always be together, do couple-things like wearing matching outfits, and what-nots. I’ll be honest, and I’ve been honest with him about it, I’m not used to being in a relationship, nor doing anything resembling being a couple specially in public. I hated the attention, or being put in the spotlight. It’s bad enough that he seems to like to tell people, if not the whole world, that we are together. I don’t mind, really. I just don’t find it necessary to voluntarily say it if the situation does not call for it. Not that I’m aware of any situation as such; I don’t really care as long as I don’t get disturbed for it.

Anyways, we have only been together for a couple of months, and have only been on our second trip together overseas. He always tells me that the itinerary is up to me, that we can do whatever I want. However, when we are already there, he would complain and express a few times which part of the itinerary, that I want to do, is not convenient. Like how I wanted to go to a mosque in Shah Alam, we stil went, but he has expressed disdain about going there, or about entering it. In the end I did not enter the mosque out of my own decision, lartly because of my irritation about his complains.

It’s similar to our trip to Batam. I have been wanting to go to Barelang Bridge ever since I saw it, but because he has expressed not wanting to go there several times, I just got annoyed and decided not to go there anymore, saying I could just go there another time. Why even leave the planning of the itinerary to me, when in the end, and on the day itself, he would complain so much about the ones not very convenient to him. So we were at a cafe when I decided not to go to the bridge anymore, after he mentioned so many excuses about the time constraint, the traffic jam, that I’ll just be noisy when we got stuck in the traffic, and that I will just regret going there. So yeah, even though I really wanted to go and just see the bridge, even if I am aware that it’s far, and that the drive would take an hour or so, I just cancelled it and whatever things I might have wanted to do for that afternoon. Even the plan for the spa, which I have researched and booked in advance, I just decided to change last minute. It’s cheaper doing it in our hotel, and I have read good reviews about it too. I just don’t care about the trip anymore. If we had not booked another night in a different property, I would ask to just go back to Singapore.

I was no longer in a holiday mood. I just kept quiet the whole afternoon, and only ever gave a one-word response, or just a hum, if asked. He kept saying I was noisy, which I probably am. I did not warn him that he will definitely not like it if I actually kept quiet. So too bad for him; he’s not getting a very lively chatter anymore. I am no longer in the mood to go anywhere else I might have wanted to. So I’ll just leave it up to him whatever he wanted to do. Even for any future holidays.

I have always thought that I usually get what I wanted, so long as another person us not involved. This is just another proof of it. So this is basically a rambling, forgive me for all the non-sense.


Everything’s a glum

20/01/2016 § Leave a comment

Been away from any other websites for a few weeks now, except archiveofourown (AO3) and tumblr. I’m so much into reading stuff that I am once again sacrificing my own sleep for it. Well, it was all for the sake of keeping my mood up, I guess. Though recently I am feeling like wanting to stop it soon, but then again, I am feeling like that every now and then, but here I am, still reading. I can’t help it whenever I found a story that seems interesting and discovered it to be really one. It’s a cycle, really.

So, yeah. I’ve been in a damp mood since the start of this year, and in a really bad slump too. I’m not moody in the bad kind, but more like, something is just nagging at the back of my mind. And I don’t know what it is. Like a voiceless whisper, telling me to do something. As to what I have no idea. I sometimes get that kind of feeling, and I just become very wary, afraid to do the most unthinkable mistake I might do. So I just go on with my everyday but not really wanting to do anything productive or anything besides my work, and my normal eat sleep pattern. Even drinking is not in the list.

Work has been mentally exhausting me, since December. It was better now but I have not recuperated from the stress of the holiday. There was this one day that I was off from night shift and I made appointments with a few people and I was tired but I did not want to sleep. I feel so toxic then so I bought a pack of my normal cigarettes and take a drag out of one stick. I get the desire to smoke once in a while. It actually surprised me that I have not done it a while ago since work has been pretty hectic from December. Now that pack just sits in my bag waiting for the next turn it will see the light. I’m not a smoker, I just smoke on rare I’m-too-stressed-to-care occasions. Then, after that one stick, I slept nicely until the following day. I hated the after taste of a cigarette but the high caffeine in my system probably killed that sensitivity by now.

I was done finding a new room to move to as well. That was one of my stress-factors. My current accommodation get this construction noises and drilling vibrations since the site is just next to my apartment building, and literally next to my room. It stops at night time but I work on shift schedule so I can’t bear with that anymore. The old building has been completely torn down now and I am certain about a new building coming up because it’s in the central area. And I can only imagine how disturbing that would be for my abnormal sleep patterns so I decided to move. Luckily the new place is only at Bendeemer, just a few more minutes down my current place, though farther from my workplace. It’s not gonna be walking distance anymore. It’s a small room, slightly smaller than my current one, but I will be living with my fellow citizens, and they are all girls. I really do not want to live with with people of my nationality, because it calls for trouble, but oh well. The room was decent with a nice view of the park in a high floor. The best part is that it’s very quiet too.It’s not an air-conditioned room, but I can managed with a fan until I get a portable air-con. And it will be walking distance from my beloved cafes. I can’t wait. I’m moving next week and I already got my friend to help me then.

I’m adding January to my bad months now. I haven’t had the best of luck since 2016 entered. I probably used most of my luck last year. At least it could still get better.



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