I found love amongst December bustles

07/02/2018 § Leave a comment

December has a magic on me. Besides the Christmas spirit and holiday vibes, the month happens to be when I would have a date. Last December was the second time, and this time it was not a December-limited magic.

After almost nine years of being single, young, and free, I am finally dating someone. My friends could not believe it. Even now, I am still in the confused state of “I’m not sure but I think he’s my boyfriend”. Honestly, neither of us knew how or when it even started. We just somehow found ourselves to be always going out, with either of us asking the other out. It even got to the point that we are cuddling and sleeping together, even before it is established that we are in a relationship. Adult dating apparently doesn’t have a proper order, or we just did it in a round about way.

Both of us are also asking ourselves since when or how are we even in our current position, but neither of us have the answer. It just somehow started without us even realizing it. In my case, I suddenly started wondering about what’s going on. There was a shift that occures without us realizing it.

We are dating for about two months now I guess, and we don’t have a specific date to celebrate it. Do we even need one? We could just celebrate an anniversary on whichever date we wanted. So far, we have been together almost everyday since…it started. He practically moved in with me, and I don’t know how we even fit in a single bed.

I have informed my friends, and they seem to be more excited than I am. If I say in passing that I am dating someone, or that I have a boyfriend, or that I might have a plus 1, or that I would bring someone with me, they would want clarifications, and even meet him. I am like a baby among my circle, and I have not really dated anyone seriously for years so I do understand where they are coming from.

Being together with him has been fun so far. He is smart and crafty, so I lose all the time with mind games, I do get my wins sometimes at least. Or he just lets me win. I get cared for the whole time, and I feel really spoiled by him. I sometimes feel overwhelmed even with the little things, because I was not used to it. I’ve been single for a long time, and having someone actually looking after me feels nice. He knows how awkward I could get with this relationship, and he lets me take my time to adjust. He would always say that I have him now and I really think that’s very sweet of him. The problem is i somehow feel like I cannot commit myself fully to this relationship yet. I did before, and it took me forever to let go. So I do not want to get too attached, especially not so soon.

He’s a really sweet guy and I do want to keep him somehow, but I am not going to get ahead of myself. We have basically just started the relationship, and I just want to se how it goes for now. Hopefully, it does not last only until next December.


Been there, done that

24/08/2017 § Leave a comment

I am 26 this year. Only 26. I would say it’s still a prime age; young but having access to anything legal, and supposed to be mature. And yet, here I am, feeling too old for my age.

Our current batch of trainees are leaving today. I have been invited to join them to go to a club, to celebrate their last day. I have agreed at first, but on the day itself, after waking up, I decided against it. Why? I realized I am too old for that. Going to clubs to party is behind me now. I would admit that during my internship, when I was a trainee myself, I would go to clubs almost every week with my friends. Back then, we were 19 and 20 year old college kids. Above the legal age, but young enough to be laid off for anything drastic we do.

Now, seven years later, clubbing does not appeal to me as much as before. It equals having to join rowdy, noisy kids in their party of skimpy clothing and drunkenness. It means having to endure staying inside a jam-packed room, dancing or moving along with other sweat-slicked bodies on the dance floor, and shouting over the music just so the person beside you can hear you. Clubbing would be to drink cheaply made alcoholic drinks, and trying to hook up with some random cute guys whose definitely years younger than me. It would be part of a hangover equation that is definitely not worth dealing with during the following day’s work hours. And as a supposedly responsible working adult, I am expected to fulfill my duties, despite the physiological circumstances of my body.

Another colleague of mine, who is 2 years older than me, questioned my reason of “being too old for clubbing”. He still go to clubs if he is invited. So I just said, “been there, done that”. Clubbing is really behind me. I would voluntarily go to a bar, but club is a different story. I seek peace and laid-back ambiance, as compared to the loud noises of clubs.

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