Everything’s a glum
20/01/2016 § Leave a comment
Been away from any other websites for a few weeks now, except archiveofourown (AO3) and tumblr. I’m so much into reading stuff that I am once again sacrificing my own sleep for it. Well, it was all for the sake of keeping my mood up, I guess. Though recently I am feeling like wanting to stop it soon, but then again, I am feeling like that every now and then, but here I am, still reading. I can’t help it whenever I found a story that seems interesting and discovered it to be really one. It’s a cycle, really.
So, yeah. I’ve been in a damp mood since the start of this year, and in a really bad slump too. I’m not moody in the bad kind, but more like, something is just nagging at the back of my mind. And I don’t know what it is. Like a voiceless whisper, telling me to do something. As to what I have no idea. I sometimes get that kind of feeling, and I just become very wary, afraid to do the most unthinkable mistake I might do. So I just go on with my everyday but not really wanting to do anything productive or anything besides my work, and my normal eat sleep pattern. Even drinking is not in the list.
Work has been mentally exhausting me, since December. It was better now but I have not recuperated from the stress of the holiday. There was this one day that I was off from night shift and I made appointments with a few people and I was tired but I did not want to sleep. I feel so toxic then so I bought a pack of my normal cigarettes and take a drag out of one stick. I get the desire to smoke once in a while. It actually surprised me that I have not done it a while ago since work has been pretty hectic from December. Now that pack just sits in my bag waiting for the next turn it will see the light. I’m not a smoker, I just smoke on rare I’m-too-stressed-to-care occasions. Then, after that one stick, I slept nicely until the following day. I hated the after taste of a cigarette but the high caffeine in my system probably killed that sensitivity by now.
I was done finding a new room to move to as well. That was one of my stress-factors. My current accommodation get this construction noises and drilling vibrations since the site is just next to my apartment building, and literally next to my room. It stops at night time but I work on shift schedule so I can’t bear with that anymore. The old building has been completely torn down now and I am certain about a new building coming up because it’s in the central area. And I can only imagine how disturbing that would be for my abnormal sleep patterns so I decided to move. Luckily the new place is only at Bendeemer, just a few more minutes down my current place, though farther from my workplace. It’s not gonna be walking distance anymore. It’s a small room, slightly smaller than my current one, but I will be living with my fellow citizens, and they are all girls. I really do not want to live with with people of my nationality, because it calls for trouble, but oh well. The room was decent with a nice view of the park in a high floor. The best part is that it’s very quiet too.It’s not an air-conditioned room, but I can managed with a fan until I get a portable air-con. And it will be walking distance from my beloved cafes. I can’t wait. I’m moving next week and I already got my friend to help me then.
I’m adding January to my bad months now. I haven’t had the best of luck since 2016 entered. I probably used most of my luck last year. At least it could still get better.