Fairy tale called school

29/10/2015 § Leave a comment

I do miss Uni days, though in all honesty, it wasn’t much different with my current situation, except before, I go to school and pay for it to run, now, I go to my workplace and the company pays me to run it. Besides that, everything else is more or less the same.

I’m not a very big fan of schools. After finishing my degree, I did not even think about doing Graduate classes. It was costly, and being the practical me, though I know it would be for my greater advantage, I decided against it. The thought of having a title beside your name was appealing, but I don’t think I was cut out for anything of the sort. After all, I am not very fond of high recognition. Also, I just do not like the idea of spending more boring hours in school. So I joined the workforce right after graduation, so much that I stress out about the fact that I was not able to get employed one month after it. Yes, I did not even think about having a vacation. I am such a workaholic, so…

Ever since grade school, I have been itching to be independent, to live away from home and not depend on my parents for anything. Unfortunately, I wasn’t very resourceful, or I am just too lazy to tend to my own needs without having to rely on somebody else. Or I am just plain naive and ignorant of how the world actually works. I finished high school, living in the same place I grew up for over ten years, being taken care of by my parents. Even up to second year of university, I was relying on my relatives to look after my basic needs. Back then, it felt natural, since my parent are giving money to them for food, water, electricity and other utilities. My grandmother lives in the city, and I used to go there for vacation when I was a kid. So staying there doesn’t feel strange or anything at all. It just felt natural, like it’s a given and doesn’t even need to be questioned. I didn’t really think anything of it back then, granted, I wasn’t even of legal age then.

When I reached my third year in uni, I decided to change things a little. I have grown closer to my classmates, so I have decided to rent a place near my university, like most of them did, just so I could spend more time with them, and I could save time and energy from travelling for an hour from my relative’s place to uni. I only rented a small room by myself, and it was only a few minutes walking distance from my university (though the building where my classes are held were on the other side of the university). I found the place the summer before my classes started again. Now that I think about it, it was a good decision, because when school started for my third year in uni, I barely even have time to go back to my hometown. I was so glad I decided to move closer to uni because I was practically there everyday, even weekends, dealing with school-related stuff.

I would say that it was the busiest period of my university life, or maybe the beginning of the hectic period. I drowned myself with school works that I almost neglected the life I have outside of it. And having some relationships lost couldn’t really be helped.

It was then that I started being more independent, though I still rely on my parents for financial support. Coincidentally, I turned eighteen when I reached my third year of uni.

I only stayed in the same place for a year, having to terminate my contract before it ends because of my internship in Singapore, which started summer the following year. As it doesn’t make sense to hold onto the room, paying rent when no one will occupy it, I let go of it. It was a good place though.

So on April 2010, I flew to Singapore for my internship. I just turned nineteen, and it was the time when I felt most independent. No parents, living on the measly allowance that interns get,  working full-time, and abroad. For six months. Even if I do not want to, I have no choice but to learn to stand on my own, take care of myself, and deal with my own troubles. I could handle myself pretty well, living practically by myself, though I am staying with my classmates. It was the first time that I lived off on monthly paycheck, which honestly wasn’t much. But I wasn’t paying rent, so all the money I earn from work or internship is solely for my basic living and leisure expenses. Work-party-dorm. That was my kind of lifestyle for six full months until my internship ended on November 2010.

It was a full six months of independence and freedom. That was how I thought back then. Now, looking back to that time, I can say that that was really an overstatement. My parents usually left me to my own devices, as if they already knew fully well that I can do just fine without their help. Which might be true. I am not  very sure, but, from what I know, the last time that they have decided for me was for my high school, which I completely have no say at all, no matter how much I complained and grumbled about it. All is good in the end though. My best friend went to the same school as me and we were stuck for another four years. I got to learn stenography, which was very useful back in my university for speed writing, and was used for nothing else besides that, except hate letters that I was certain no one will understand. I don’t even know anyone else in my college circle who could understand it. The only time that they have intervened with my life and decision making after that was for my choice of college or university. And it was not really intervening so long as my chosen school was in the city, they were off my case.

After that, for some reason, they just leave me alone. I get what I need and what I want, so long as I tell them. They were my benefactor, and they support me financially after all. Anything that involves money, like big amount of money that my allowance could not afford, I go to them for support. I get to participate in all school-related events and trips because they just let me go. I got to go to Bohol for the local tour, Thailand for the international tour, and Singapore for my internship. They give me money for anything I need be it a school event that needs 5-digit worth of funding, or a room near the school. We actually purchased a small condominium unit near my school, which was said to be ready the following year (it never did though, and I never got to use it while in school), because I told them that I want to stay near the uni. It was like money wasn’t really  a problem to them, my dad especially. We were not filthy rich, just well-off. But money never came as a struggle to my family for as long as I can remember. I am pretty practical so I try not to ask for more than what I need. My two younger sibling was a different case though, my sister more than my brother. They were spoiled brats.

And for anything else that I want to do, I get to do it. Not because I’m being stubborn, although I admit that I am, but because my parents just let me. Honestly, I do not even need their permission for anything, because I will do it anyway, but I still let them know for formalities sake. Well, you wouldn’t really want to find out that your eldest daughter is alone in some country outside her work area from Facebook, or from a relative or a neighbor right?

Even after university, my dad still paid for my agency fees when I acquired a full-time job in Singapore. I am now paying for my brother’s school fees, but even if I wasn’t, my dad would not really bite me back ĵfor that. Four years into the work force, I could say that I am more mature than before, but I do not feel like anything has changed at all.

Basically everything is the same. The only difference is that I go to work to earn money, and I do not rely on my parents anymore for financial support. I can support myself now. I live on my own now. I do things without having to let them know.

I am no longer a student. And every time I meet a uni or college student who were the same age as me when I was in school, I feel kind of silly. I was such a brat back then and I had not even realized it before. I complain a lot back in school, about how much school work I need to finish within a short period of time, about how frequently I lack of sleep finishing reports if I actually get to sleep at all, about how difficult everything was when dump at you all at once. I was so very silly to think like that. In my defense, I grew up a little pampered even if I am not spoiled. But meeting college students who can juggle working part-time while attending school and still get to have spare time for themselves just make me think of how much of a spoiled brat I was back then. They are working to cover part of their schools fees while going to school. I only had to go to school, and everything was already provided for me. I don’t even need to think about where I could scrape money from just so I could secure my fees for another semester. I had it easy. But I didn’t know it.

I am fairly exhausted.

27/10/2015 § Leave a comment

Yes. My work isn’t physically tiring or anything that requires hard physical labor. However, I’ve come to realize, after months of working there, that working in the front desk is mentally tiring. And mental exhaustion is far worst than the physical. At least that was the case for me.

I can cope with it, but it generally affects my mood. Actually, I feel very tired without exerting much effort in actually moving. I just am. As I have mentioned, mental exhaustion is far worst to me than physical. I tend to either sleep more, or eat more. Either way, I spend more time recuperating my loss mood and energy.

Like right now.

I should really be sleeping instead of typing this though. I just want an outlet. I was so pissed of yesterday too.

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