Through everyday with a broken tire

27/07/2015 § Leave a comment

Tired. Lazy. Bored. Depressed. Frustrated. Moody.

These were the emotions I have felt for the past week; even my colleague made a remark on it. I do not know what was wrong with me nor do I understand what was causing all these emotions to get mixed into something I would call confusion. I wish I would know the reason behind it so I could fix it and set my mood right. Unfortunately, I don’t, and it was getting tiresome.

Being moody is a norm for me. I do and decide things depending on my mood. I know it’s not the best way to go about things, but that’s how I am, and I have lived over twenty years that way. I try to moderate it IF I am aware how another person is going to be affected by my actions. If not however, I entirely rely on my mood and gut feeling. And my mixed up negative and confused emotions is not helping me in the least. Intend not to anything at all.

It has a bad effect on my everyday. It’s affecting my interpersonal character which is the foundation of my work. Even a colleague of mine made a remark and told me how different of a person I seemed recently. I simply said that it’s because I’m tired and not getting enough sleep as of late, which is not entirely false but not exactly the truth either. Since then, I knew that I need to fix my mood swings.

Problem? I do not know how.

Basically, I have a sleeping problem. It got worse when I was put back on having night shifts at work after over two months of not doing so, and for nine straight nights nonetheless. I love night shifts, and I am probably the freshest-looking person in the morning right after a night shift duty you’ll ever meet. Due to the sudden change in my sleep pattern, my body took a while to recuperate. I was either oversleeping, or lacking of sleep. I’m also back to my sleepless nights, or waking up after a few hours of sleep. It has become completely erratic that even I don’t know what will happen next.

I could also put the blame on my habitual over thinking. It’s another norm, something that will make me not me anymore if it stopped. The only bad thing about it is that I always stimulate my brain while I was on bed waiting to fall asleep. Why do I even do that right? As I mentioned, it’s a habit.

Well, I am not too sure how to get to the cause of it. But I mostly blame my terrible mood swings on my night shifts. I’m sorry to everyone affected.


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