02/08/2014 § Leave a comment
I’m really sorry.
That was the last thing she had told me, and it was in a text message no less. She said that she would be late and I told her that I would wait. That I did. I waited for her. An hour…two…three…four. I waited for the whole night but there was not even a trace of her. I tried calling her but there was no answer. She was not even responding to my text messages. It made me feel uneasy. I don’t know what was wrong. Did she lose her phone again?
My friends have decided to call it off. I just asked them for a favor and I couldn’t really keep them waiting with me. I don’t know even know if she’s going to show up. I don’t know what happened to her. There was no way to contact her, to reach her besides the mobile device. As worried sick as I was, I went to her apartment. I have been given that pass a few days ago that allowed me to enter and leave her apartment building as I please. But there was no one in her place. I was at a lost as to what I should do. I only knew her. I knew no one else in her cicle. There was no way I could contact her as well. Once again, there was that feeling of loneliness similiar from the time I saw at the bar.
We may have known each other pretty well for a short time. We may have been less than strangers now but I still don’t know much about her. I don’t even know how do I contact that cousin of hers. She might be able to help me about her whereabouts. Actually, I really knew nothing about her.
I tried to visit her apartment again the following day but there was still no one there. The receptionists nor the neighbors I saw on the hallways don’t have any idea either. Did something happen to her? I hope not. I tried to convince myself that she just lost her phone and that she was in great condition. But several days passed, and she was still out of reach. I returned to her apartment every single day but there was no one. I even left a message to the receptionist. But I still got nothing in return.
Days became weeks, months and eventually two years have passed. I have no news about her after that day. I don’t know what became of her. It was like she just disappeared from me in an instant. She came in my life like a blizzard. She affected my life in many ways that only she had done. Out of the millions of girl living in the planet, she was the only who made me go crazy, who turned my world upside-down.
One time when I came to her apartment, I saw people moving things out of her place. It was only six months after she disappeared from me. I asked one of the guys there. He heard that the people staying in the place will be moving abroad or somewhere. I asked whether the owner of the place was there, he told me that the person just left. Stunned by the newest information I learned about her, I just stood there in her apartment, watching the movers clear out her place. I stayed in the place until there was nothing left. The couch I usually sit on was not there any more.
Not knowing anything else I could do, I went to her room. It was empty. But I found something that I have been keeping with me for the past two years, hoping that I could give it back to her one day. It was her memory, her entire life including the times we spent together. It was her diary that I found lying on the floor.
I read it starting on the first time I met her, the night I met her on twenty-sixth of October. It was such a lame thing to do reading a girl’s diary but I couldn’t help myself. I have done the same thing over and over again for the past two years while I am looking for her, waiting for her to be back in my life once again. I did not dare read the previous entries written in there. I want to hear it from her. I know that day will come when she told me everything about her, when I can hear her voice again, when I can see her again, when I can touch her again.
After learning that she moved to some country I don’t even know, I stopped coming to her apartment. There was no point in doing so. She was not there anymore. I don’t even know where she is or how she is. I knew nothing of her since that time. Eventually, two years have passed since that night. I was still keeping her diary with me, repeatedly reading the entries from twenty-sixth of October until her last entry on second of November, the day I last heard from her. I was still hoping to see her. I know that I will one day. When I finally see her again, I will tell her what I have been meaning to tell her that night. I will stay by her side, always. I will never let her disappear from me again. I will make sure that she never leave my side again.
She was like a blizzard. She entered my life so suddenly and stirred it in a way no one had done before. She made me do things I had never done in my life. She had affected me so much and she knew nothing about it. Then, in a blink of an eye she just disappeared wihtout any notice.
I closed the journal that I have read for a thousand times. Two years sure is a long time. I leaned on the wall as I was seated on the carpeted floor of my room. I looked around like studying every corner that I see every day. The guitars and base that line up the walls of my room have piled up in just two years time.
The band has been making a lot of progress in the past two years. It has been scouted a year and a half ago and officially entered the music industry. It gathered a lot of fans, won awards for songs, recorded several albums and sold millions of copies, and has been preparing for an upcoming concert. Despite the popularity and money, everyone was still the same. But one thing changed. I quit the band.
I had stoppped playing in front of several people since she left. It was like I lost all motivation to let people watch and hear me playing. I know music has been my life. It still is and that wouldn’t change. I only stopped playing in public.
My friends have tried to convince me into playing in front of the crowd again. It even caused an argument in the group. No matter what they did though I stood firm on my ground. Eventually, they understood my state. Even though I don’t play in public, I still hold my guitar to play my music. I focused on making compositions. I have let the band play it and put in in their albums. It had always been like that since she left.
The night that she disappeared, I was supposed to be playing her my music. I was supposed to tell her how I felt through a song that I made. Besides my friends, no one has ever heard the music. I was keeping it for the day that I meet her again. It was a song I made just for her. Actually, all the songs I have written have always been for her, about her. I want her to hear my songs. I want my music to reach her ears. Deep inside, I was hoping that she would realize that it was me calling out to her. I want her to know that I was looking for her, that I was waiting for her. It was a wishful thinking but it was the only thing that keeps me going.
Almost everyone I knew had told me to move on and to forget. I tried but it was difficult. I tried to let go of the emotions I harbour for her but it was hard. Because I know that in my heart I still want to see her. I was hoping that one day, I will find her again. That hope I was holding into had been growing smaller and smaller by each passing day. Eventually two years have passed and I was still hoping but not as much as before. I have come to accept the reality of the situation.
She was someone I met randomly. We knew each other for a week. And after two years, she might have already forgotten about me. I could be that insignificant person she met on the road. That was a bitter truth. But hey, reality just always fucks with you. Still, I wanted to see her. And when that time came, I will make sure to have a permanent existence in her life. After all, being less than strangers isn’t so great of a status to be in.
<< Chapter Thirty-Two
F I N
You can hate me if you want but I have already decided on this kind of ending when I started the story. Actually, I made the story and worked the entire of what has already been published based on this kind of ending. Why? That’s a big secret and whether I will reveal it in the far future is unknown. I really don’t have much of a talent when it comes to creating a story and my grammar is pretty awful don’t you think?I already have several other stories in my mind as of now and my only problem is time. So what really happened to Danica? I’m going to leave that to your imagination.