The Night I Met You
05/07/2014 § Leave a comment
She bit her lower lip and her eyes looked distant as if it were seeing beyond me. I was frightened of what is to come seconds or even minutes in the future, of what her decision might be after I told her everything. But I could only tell her about the dare for now. I am not prepared to let her know the other thing.
“It was a dare, right?” She asked even before I could explain. The sadness in her voice was not covered up by the small smile she forced on her lips. She knew. She had known it for who knows how long, but even if she knew, or even if she just had the gut feeling of it, she still stayed with me. I wanted to hold on to the tiny ray of hope from that, but I felt like I betrayed her. I don’t want to risk losing her because of a dare that started our now.
I paced towards her seat, knelt in front of her and took her hands in mine. I looked her in the eyes and I saw a mixed of surprise and sadness in them. I wanted to be as sincere as I could be and I hope she could feel it. “Yes, Angel. It was a dare. I meant to tell you earlier but I just always forget while I spend my time with you. I don’t know if I should apologize for it or not, but I know that I did not regret doing that dare.” I spoke slowly and calmly, trying my best to hide the anxiety creeping up on me.
“Why? Why don’t you regret it?” She asked, biting her lower lip.
“Because it started what we have now. I get to know you because of that and I was able to be with you. So I don’t regret doing that dare.” I paused for a deep breath.”But I would understand if you were to get mad at me. Playing a girl is detestable, isn’t it?”
“Sure is. But I’m not angry at you for it. It’s kinda sad that I got played on but I am happy that it was you who did the dare.” I couldn’t believe what she said. I am ready to receive a slap on the face for what I did and start again from zero for the worst. But it was different from what I had expected. I kept on repeating her words inside my head, as if it was a prophecy or an angel’s song. She was happy because it was me.
“You’re happy because it was me?” I confirmed.
She gave me a small smile, a sweet small smile and nodded. “Yes. I am thankful to have met you. It was because of you that I did not think too much of…my break-up with him. You are my savior.”
Her savior. I don’t know if her words made me glad or not. Sure I am happy that she thought of me in a kind of admiration but I don’t want it to be that way. Maybe I was partly disappointed because I thought that with the way our conversation was going, she will be telling me that she likes me. I guess it was always like this with her: expect the unexpected.
I don’t understand in what way I became her savior either. And as if reading my thoughts she continued. “It’s just like as you said. If you weren’t there that night, or if you had not walked up to me that night, I wouldn’t have known you now. And if you weren’t there for me I don’t know what might have become of myself. I couldn’t even imagine it. So I am really thankful to you.”
I see. Maybe she had gone along with all my whims because she did it out of respect, however I don’t want that kind of affection from her. “It’s like you’re saying that I adopted a lone and lost cat from the street.” I joked as I try to keep my composure. “And I got myself a big cat at that.”
“Yeah. Something like that.” She giggled. I kept myself from speaking. There is nothing I could say right then. “So…” she paused for a while before continuing looking hesitant. “‘…Ja-Jacob, I’m not mad at you.”
Her mention of my name tugged at my heart. I don’t know what it is but I was sure that it was a positive vibe. My name has never sounded that good before, not even when other girls I’ve slept with say it. Maybe because it was her that it sounded like it came from paradise. She would mention or call me by my name before but it doesn’t feel the same as now. It seems that something changed… with her, and I want to believe that it was a good kind of change.
My eyes never left her this whole time. It was because of that that I noticed every little changes in her expression. “You still want to say something right?” I asked.
She was surprised at my question. She did not think that she hid her expression well did she? “How did you know?”
“I’m an esper.” I simply said.
“I knew it!” She mocked a triumphant look as a faint blush appeared on her cheeks.
“So, Angel, what is it that you want to tell me?” I asked not wanting to prolong my agony of waiting.
“Well, I-I…uhm…” She started looking full of hesitation. The she took a deep breath as if preparing to say something really long. BUt she only let it all out in the end and kept silent for a long time all the while just staring at me. What is it that she wanted to say making it so difficult for her? Could it be that she’s going to tell me that she hates me? Of course that would be hard for her. She’s an angel after all.
“You don’t hate me do you?” I asked, worried by my own thoughts.
“No! No, I don’t.” She strongly disagreed, surprised about my question. So she doesn’t hate me, which is good. What is it then?
She took a deep breath again, her eyes not leaving mine. “I never knew saying something simple could be this hard.” She remarked.
“You can tell me anything.” I answered brushing my thumb over her hands that I still have on my hold. I am starting to worry about it now. Could it be something worse than her hating me? Is there even something worse than that?
“I, uhm…” She paused again. “No, I can’t do this.” She said letting out a long sigh.
“What is?” I asked.
“To tell you what I wanted to tell you.” She answered.
“Why?” I am getting more curious and anxious by the second. I could only hope that it was not something extremely negative.
“I don’t know. It’s just difficult.” She shook her head a little.
“That only makes me want to know it more.” I faked a grin, hiding the anxiety I was actually feeling.
“But I can’t say it.”
“Ah, c’mon Angel. Tell me.” I tried to push her into telling me.
“No, I can’t.” She bit het lower lip again. “At least not yet.”
“Well, that’s a bore.” I shrugged.
“What about you? I believe you have something to tell me too.” She reminded me and I almost stopped breathing for a while. She can’t know yet.
“I do have something I want to tell you, but not today.” I explained.
“Fair enough.” She answered and I know I can’t convince her anymore.
“By the way, are you free tomorrow?” I asked changing the topic and taking the chance. She seemed to think about it for a while.
“I don’t have any plans, so yeah.” She answered.
“Great. How about we go on a date tomorrow too?” I asked hopefully.
“So, I’m babysitting you again?” She asked raising an eyebrow with a teasing smirk across her face.
“Not exactly, but you can also put it that way.”
“What are we doing tomorrow?” She asked.
“I just have a little something for you.”
“I don’t think you’ll tell me what it is. Then where?”
“Somewhere.” I simply answered.
“A surprise?” She cocked her head to the side looking all cute.
“Yes, it is.”
“Knowing that a surprise is a surprise does not make it much of a surprise.” She stated and furrowed her eyebrows after. She probably thought about what she just said. It was actually confusing hearing it but I get what she meant.
“But you don’t know anything about it besides it being just a surprise.” I smirked.
“Well, true that.”
“And that which I want to tell you, I promise to tell you tomorrow.” I sincerely said. Yes, I don’t want to drag it any longer but I don’t want it to be simple. I need to tell her and it will be tomorrow.
“Then, me too. I will tell you tomorrow.” Her smile then was one that I saw for the first time.Whether it meant something good or bad, I never found out.
Subject for revision.
NOTE: If Germany won against France – though I kind support both teams – I will publish the next chapter immediately like few hours after this one. I really find it difficult to guess who will conquer FIFA this year, but I wanted to see Germany vs Netherlands and Brazil vs Argentina. Yep, with these matches you might already know which teams I want to win the quarters. 🙂