12/04/2014 § Leave a comment
She is beautiful. And I was a lucky bastard to have met her.
She was more beautiful than anything in this world. Not even something of natural beauty could be compared to her. Scenery of a thousand fireflies in a pitch black forest was no match for her. All the girls will definitely fall in love with that. They would be so touched and feel so special, enough to give up their virginity to the guy that would show that to them. Girls usually let their emotions get the better of them. But she is different. She was very different from all the girls I have been associated with. She broke all of my expectations. She made me feel and experience things for the first time. She is special. She is very special girl. And I am such a coward who could only wish to have her.
I was plain annoyed of my actions…of my cowardice. I was given the chance. I had the perfect opportunity. We were alone. The mood was right. Even our lips were just millimeters apart. It was the perfect moment but I have to act like a fucking pussy after mustering enough courage to make a move on her. I just have to be afraid of the consequences of my words. I wanted to date her properly. Technically we were dating but it was more like hanging out as friends. I want to date her properly as my girlfriend. Sure, I might just be behaving like a possessive bastard but I could at least enjoy a little more benefits while I am at it. That aside, I just wanted to let her know how I truly felt about her, and maybe ask her what she thought of me. I wanted to increase her consciousness of me. She seemed like the type that needs to be told directly otherwise she would just passed me off as a very good friend.
I only have to say three words. I was already there and was about to tell her but I became frightened on that very moment. I wanted her to know but I was afraid that she would reject me. In the worst case scenario, she would ignore me altogether. At least I never wanted for the latter to happen. I don’t want to lose her. That was the very reason why I was trying my best to hold back and deny to myself that I liked her. If I lost her I would probably break into several irreparable pieces.
I have been doing things and acting as I like since we met but since I outspokenly admitted to my friends how I truly felt about her, I wanted to act properly. I have always been hesitant about my actions towards her and how I should really treat her. We were complete strangers…at first. But it has changed as I spent more time with her, as I get to know her. I did not really know how she thought of me and of all the things we did together. All I know is that she was thankful to me. I don’t really want to be treated as a superhero by her. Well, that doesn’t sound so bad either but I wanted to be more than that to her. I wanted her to look at me properly as a man, and as a potential love interest. For that to happen, I wanted to change what we currently are. Being good friends is nice but I don’t want to get stuck on that phase. In her case most especially, that is a very delicate subject. I think it would be better if she did not think of me as a good friend at all. Being less than strangers would still be in my advantage.
I wanted to confess to her so damn bad and the words were just at the tip of my tongue, but hesitated at the very last second. I lost all of the confidence that I have and thought of all the negative possibilities that might happen. I crushed my own ego. She always manages to do that without having to do anything. She was a goddess that came down to earth and I am but a mere mortal that was not even worthy of witnessing her beauty. In my eyes she was more radiant and more beautiful as compared to millions of fireflies. In that very moment, she was like a painting that came to life. After a fierce battle with my conscience, I decided to speak my mind on a different day, when I am mentally and emotionally prepared… when I know that I can withstand whatever her answer is. I have chosen to stay in a precious moment that might never come by again. Maybe I have drawn the lucky straw by backing out on the last second.
We were alone together in the middle of the dark forest, and before us was a scenery of indescribable beauty that could move anyone who saw it. In a place where the mood was romantic and, according to her, magical, with our bodies so close to each other, our faces next to each other’s, our lips only millimeters apart…no one would want to break free from such a moment. And any guy would kill anyone who disturbs that moment. At least, I would. We were so close that I could feel her warm breath against my lips. We were that close that I almost kissed her. I almost did but I held it in. I really don’t want to do anything more than being that close to her. Truthfully, I liked the moment itself. We were so close that we were sharing each other’s warmth in a chilly night. I was not certain if it was my imagination but my heart was beating wildly against my chest at that time.
I did not regret not kissing her. But I still wonder how it would feel like to put my lips against her soft pair, to have my tongue explore inside her mouth, to share her warmth through her lips, to hear her moan just from a deep and hot kiss…Shit! Maybe I really do regret it. I should have done it. I should have kissed her. That was the first time I ever hesitated to kiss a girl. That was also the first time that I did not kiss a girl despite the mood calling for it. Should I start questioning my manhood? Who in their right mind would leave the moment as it is? My forehead was leaning against hers. My nose was caressing the side of hers. I could feel her breath on my lips. I only have to move a bit and our lips would be locked with each other’s. I bet if would feel really good to kiss her. Dammit!
I really don’t know what I was thinking or what I was doing. Did my actions at least made her more think more about me? Maybe, I just have a loose screw in my head or I may have gone completely crazy. We were just strangers at first. In a short amount of time, we were just a few millimeters apart. And one day, I would be able to say those words I did not tell her.
Subject for editing. I am not pretty happy with the content but I liked this chapter as well. Next chapter’s still under construction. Will take a long while before it is released.
05/04/2014 § Leave a comment
30th October XXXX
“So-so what is next?” I finally managed to utter, breaking the silence as we walked through the dark and quiet forest.
“A surprise.” He answered quietly.
We continued to go deeper into the forest. The deeper we go, the darker the place was. The forest was very dark and quiet if not for the nocturnal animals, or beings, making their existence known through sounds. But I wasn’t very much frightened. He was with me. It made me feel secure and safe and I know that he was leading us carefully to the place he wanted to bring me.
I felt his grip on my hand tightened a little. I tried to see if there was anything wrong, but the darkness of the place did not allow me to see his expression. “Is something wrong?” I asked again.
“Hmm…nothing? Why do you ask?” He answered in the same quiet voice.
“I, uhm, just thought if we might be lost or something.” I answered.
He let out a breathy chuckle and said confidently, “We’re not lost Angel. Don’t worry.”
Despite how he said it, it did not really assure me. The place was just so dark that I couldn’t even tell which direction is which. But I could only trust him. He knew the place and I could only bet my faith on him. I don’t think he would do something as strange as getting us lost anyway.
Suddenly, he stopped walking. I bumped onto his back lightly. I would probably be fine if I had not worn heels in the forest. But I did and I was not really used to wearing them. I lose my balance and felt myself starting to fall. It was inevitable that I would fall. I shut my eyes and waited for my body to slump on the ground. But it did not. Instead, I felt an arm wrapped around my waist and when I opened my eyes I saw his face close to mine, our body just millimeters apart from each other.
“Are you okay, Angel?” He asked, his voice lined with worry.
“Yeah. Thank you.” I answered, pretty much embarrassed of myself. I was not used to wearing heels. And walking in the forest grounds with them is not ideal at all. But I guess I should be pretty proud of myself for surviving them.
I noticed that he looked around us as if confirming something. “I think here should be good.” He said. He let go of me and said, “Just hold on for a while.”
He took a few steps away from me, leaving traces of his warmth on my body. I watched him closely as he took something out from the bag that he was carrying. He crouched on the ground like he was arranging something. When he seemed to be finish, he went back to my side and took my hand again. He led me to the area that he arranged. A cloth was placed on the ground.
“Take a sit. Be careful.” He said, his voice still quiet.
He assisted me as I sat on the cloth-covered ground. He was especially careful with my dress. It seems as if he doesn’t want to dirty it. He sat next to me.
“So, we’re here?” I asked again.
“Yeah, we’re here.” He answered.
“And what is it that you wanted to show me?” I asked again.
“Just wait and see, Angel.” He answered.
I noticed that he turned on a small light and immediately covered it with his hand. He removed his hand from the light and immediately put it back again. He did the same thing over and over again. I was left wondering to myself what he was doing.
“What are you doing?” I finally asked, unable to keep to myself.
He turned to face me and despite the darkness, I managed to make out a smile on his face. He moved his hand to my chin and moved my face to a different direction. “Look.” He whispered very close to my ear that I could feel the warmth in his breath.
I slowly shifted my gaze to the direction he ushered me to face. I was yet again speechless to what was before me. What I saw was something of exquisite beauty that never in my life had I seen before. No, I don’t think I would ever see this scenery in my entire life had this chance not come by. Hundreds or even thousands of tiny lights were floating near us. And slowly, more lights started to appear around us. It was as if I was in a magical moment. It felt like I was in a fairy tale were several fireflies gather around me.
I was not able to tear my gaze away from the sight, nor was I able to utter any word. I was just there, taking in everything, appreciating the very moment, afraid that it might disappear any second soon. Suddenly, he held my hand and moved even closer to me, his chest leaning against my back. I noticed that my heart was racing against my chest. Whether it was because I was extremely touched by what I saw or because of his sudden actions, I was not able to identify.
I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. The image of us as we were sitting in the pitch black darkness surrounded with fireflies appeared in my mind. I opened my eyes and slowly turned to face him, our faces just a few centimeters apart. “It’s beautiful.” I said.
He did not say anything in response. Instead, his face drew closer to mine. My heart started to race against my chest. It became difficult to breath. My surrounding turned quiet as if it was on mute. I could hear nothing but the loud beating of my heart. It was crashing heavily against my chest that I was afraid he could hear it. I don’t understand what was happening right then. I just stared at his eyes as he slowly moved closer; closing what little gap was left between us.
I felt his forehead leaned against mine and the tip of our noses touched. His breathing was ragged as if air was scarce. He closed his eyes, as his nose rubbed the side of mine. Our lips were only millimeters apart.
“Danica.” I heard him whisper, his warm breath caressed my lips.
“Y-yeah?” I stutter. My own breath was caught in my throat.
“There’s something I want to tell you.” He whispered again.
“What is it?” I answered, keeping my voice quiet.
“Not now. I will tell you on a different day. But will you listen to me then?” He asked.
“Yeah.” I answered.
“Did you like it?” He asked.
“Yeah.” I answered honestly.
“It’s like a dream…so magical. If only it could continue forever.” I said.
“A dream that you want to go on forever?” He asked, amusement was apparent in his voice.
“Yes.” I answered honestly.
“I wish the same. If only this could continue on forever.” He whispered.
<< Chapter Seventeen
Subject for editing. 🙂
Next chapter is just about ready. And by the way, I kind of liked this chapter. I just wished I did it justice.