A Restart

06/10/2013 § 1 Comment


Sixth October Twenty-Thirteen.

Well, that was a little different.

Restart. The word just struck me as starting over from scratch, from the very beginning, from zero. That’s what I have always thought. But according to Merriam Webster Dictionary (app version) it means to start anew, to resume after an interruption, or to resume operation. I was aware that I am not giving much attention to my vocabulary but this simple word just made me look dumb. At least I am using the word in the right context this time. Probably.

I am having a restart in life. Technically it had already started but I want to say that it will really only start after next week – after my one week leave from work. I moved from the west side of the country to the city, which makes my workplace just a fifteen-minute walk. I will be transferred to a different section in the same department by the end of the month; the workload was entirely different. I was given a new work pass, with new contract and new terms, which were mostly good news to me. It wasn’t really getting a new life. It was just a continuation of what I had been used to up until now, just in a different form – in a new neighborhood, new environment, new style of living. Both new and old at the same time. Weird, I know.

It has only been a week since I moved in to my new place. My new private space was inside the four walls of our small room. It wasn’t really a house, more like a hostel with just rooms and a bathroom, another shower room, and kitchen and laundry area for the common places. I like the place though. The owner was the artsy type and he has all this art pieces in the house. I’m sure I will definitely have fun taking close-up shots of those items.

The only thing I hate about the place was that I can’t move around much since I really only have the room to stay at. And there was this construction going on just outside our place and the noise was sometimes terrible. I was a light sleeper. So much that I would wake up at the sound of the door opening. Or maybe I’m just too paranoid about burglars and stuff. The first two nights after I moved in was just plain annoying. I wasn’t able to sleep properly. Or I didn’t sleep at all. My new roommates says I’m still getting used to the new place, which maybe true. But I think it was actually my own sleeping problem just aggravated by the construction noise.

I wanted to retain my healthy eating of salad and sandwiches and fruits. The thing is, the fridge was too small for all the people staying there. And it wasn’t producing enough cold. My strawberries were spoiled after a day or two. And I need to place the ham in the freezer if I want it to be edible and safe. I’m just afraid for the milk though. I need to finish the milk after two days if I want to stay alive with no illness of any sort.

I was thinking that I will make this post somewhat sensible and touching. I just ended up stating about my new place. That aside though, I was stressed out for the past few days, and sleepless too. I just think that it comes as a bonus for the restart of my life. I was emotionally unstable during the last weeks too. Not the crazy kind of instability. Just the kind that I wanted to rid my mind off of certain things and to forget certain things. Heck, I’d even apply for that Lacuna thing in the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind movie. Even amnesia wouldn’t be so bad. There were luxuries in life that I couldn’t afford though. So as a solution, I’d tire myself from running. Run until I’m burned out.

Those things were mostly about the boyfriend that I used to have. I was the one who broke up with him though. I have no right to chase after him, not like I was planning to or anything. It was just that it’d been years since it happened and I’m still pretty much hung up on him. I hated the fact that he drifts on my mind every now and then. Times he wasn’t on my mind would be seldom.

Do I want to be back with him? I am not sure. Breaking up with him has been one of those spur of the moment things. I don’t completely regretted the decision I made. I just didn’t like the fact that we became strangers to each other after the break up. I guess I’m just being possessive when he’s not even my possession. I just wish he’d be out of my mind though because for all I knew he hates me now. I broke his heart after all. But, how? When I seemed to be interested in someone else, I couldn’t help but compare him to the other guy. So how the heck am I supposed to forget and let go?

I wish that with the new things in my life, some of the old ones will be replaced and forgotten. It doesn’t work like that though. At least not always, and not for me. But I’m good. I’m getting better. I just need to make the best of myself with what I have.

PS. I’ve been writing a story and posting it here. If you know what I’m talking about, thanks. I know it’s boring and nonsense but at least my stress can make me do something. I’ve got a few chapters on pending and I’ve managed to cut down on words too. Yay for me. I can’t promise that the story will be good. I mean, I am not exactly a writer and making stories are not my forte. Heck, I’m not even good in acting and lying.

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