It’s up to me.

11/03/2018 § Leave a comment

I have been stubborn for as long as I can remember. I always think ahead, and plan ahead, even if sometimes things borderline the impossible. It’s just that I happen to like overthinking, and having a rough idea of where I’m heading. It’s not for every single thing, nor for everyday life. But if I am going overseas on a holiday, I like to do my research, and plan a rough itinerary. It’s what you do when traveling so you don’t waste a day scrambling to piece together a plan on the spot. Unfortunately, my new travel buddy does not always agree with my plans, even if I’m told that it’s up to me.

I have mentioned in my previous post about having a new boyfriend after so long. We happen to both like travelling. He’s the type who likes to always be together, do couple-things like wearing matching outfits, and what-nots. I’ll be honest, and I’ve been honest with him about it, I’m not used to being in a relationship, nor doing anything resembling being a couple specially in public. I hated the attention, or being put in the spotlight. It’s bad enough that he seems to like to tell people, if not the whole world, that we are together. I don’t mind, really. I just don’t find it necessary to voluntarily say it if the situation does not call for it. Not that I’m aware of any situation as such; I don’t really care as long as I don’t get disturbed for it.

Anyways, we have only been together for a couple of months, and have only been on our second trip together overseas. He always tells me that the itinerary is up to me, that we can do whatever I want. However, when we are already there, he would complain and express a few times which part of the itinerary, that I want to do, is not convenient. Like how I wanted to go to a mosque in Shah Alam, we stil went, but he has expressed disdain about going there, or about entering it. In the end I did not enter the mosque out of my own decision, lartly because of my irritation about his complains.

It’s similar to our trip to Batam. I have been wanting to go to Barelang Bridge ever since I saw it, but because he has expressed not wanting to go there several times, I just got annoyed and decided not to go there anymore, saying I could just go there another time. Why even leave the planning of the itinerary to me, when in the end, and on the day itself, he would complain so much about the ones not very convenient to him. So we were at a cafe when I decided not to go to the bridge anymore, after he mentioned so many excuses about the time constraint, the traffic jam, that I’ll just be noisy when we got stuck in the traffic, and that I will just regret going there. So yeah, even though I really wanted to go and just see the bridge, even if I am aware that it’s far, and that the drive would take an hour or so, I just cancelled it and whatever things I might have wanted to do for that afternoon. Even the plan for the spa, which I have researched and booked in advance, I just decided to change last minute. It’s cheaper doing it in our hotel, and I have read good reviews about it too. I just don’t care about the trip anymore. If we had not booked another night in a different property, I would ask to just go back to Singapore.

I was no longer in a holiday mood. I just kept quiet the whole afternoon, and only ever gave a one-word response, or just a hum, if asked. He kept saying I was noisy, which I probably am. I did not warn him that he will definitely not like it if I actually kept quiet. So too bad for him; he’s not getting a very lively chatter anymore. I am no longer in the mood to go anywhere else I might have wanted to. So I’ll just leave it up to him whatever he wanted to do. Even for any future holidays.

I have always thought that I usually get what I wanted, so long as another person us not involved. This is just another proof of it. So this is basically a rambling, forgive me for all the non-sense.


I found love amongst December bustles

07/02/2018 § Leave a comment

December has a magic on me. Besides the Christmas spirit and holiday vibes, the month happens to be when I would have a date. Last December was the second time, and this time it was not a December-limited magic.

After almost nine years of being single, young, and free, I am finally dating someone. My friends could not believe it. Even now, I am still in the confused state of “I’m not sure but I think he’s my boyfriend”. Honestly, neither of us knew how or when it even started. We just somehow found ourselves to be always going out, with either of us asking the other out. It even got to the point that we are cuddling and sleeping together, even before it is established that we are in a relationship. Adult dating apparently doesn’t have a proper order, or we just did it in a round about way.

Both of us are also asking ourselves since when or how are we even in our current position, but neither of us have the answer. It just somehow started without us even realizing it. In my case, I suddenly started wondering about what’s going on. There was a shift that occures without us realizing it.

We are dating for about two months now I guess, and we don’t have a specific date to celebrate it. Do we even need one? We could just celebrate an anniversary on whichever date we wanted. So far, we have been together almost everyday since…it started. He practically moved in with me, and I don’t know how we even fit in a single bed.

I have informed my friends, and they seem to be more excited than I am. If I say in passing that I am dating someone, or that I have a boyfriend, or that I might have a plus 1, or that I would bring someone with me, they would want clarifications, and even meet him. I am like a baby among my circle, and I have not really dated anyone seriously for years so I do understand where they are coming from.

Being together with him has been fun so far. He is smart and crafty, so I lose all the time with mind games, I do get my wins sometimes at least. Or he just lets me win. I get cared for the whole time, and I feel really spoiled by him. I sometimes feel overwhelmed even with the little things, because I was not used to it. I’ve been single for a long time, and having someone actually looking after me feels nice. He knows how awkward I could get with this relationship, and he lets me take my time to adjust. He would always say that I have him now and I really think that’s very sweet of him. The problem is i somehow feel like I cannot commit myself fully to this relationship yet. I did before, and it took me forever to let go. So I do not want to get too attached, especially not so soon.

He’s a really sweet guy and I do want to keep him somehow, but I am not going to get ahead of myself. We have basically just started the relationship, and I just want to se how it goes for now. Hopefully, it does not last only until next December.

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